VALE VIMALA NAYANAR
The first time I ever spoke to my mother-in-law Vimala Nayanar was over the phone. I was a 21-year-old university student and had accepted a part -time job as a receptionist at a Medical Centre where her son Dr Vin Nayanar worked. One morning I answered
the phone and a woman, who sounded young and energetic asked to speak with Dr Nayanar. I asked who was calling and she told me in quite a purposeful voice that it was Mrs Nayanar. I proceeded to put the call through to Dr Nayanar immediately and I told him “Your wife is on the phone”. It was only later he clarified that it was actually his mother. A perfect opportunity for him to let me know he wasn’t married and needless to say we were married less than 3
years later.
Marrying in to the Nayanar/ Nambiar family meant marrying in to a family of high achievers. In my eyes, there were none more accomplished, or more tenacious than my mother-in-law Vimala.
Born into a long line of matriarchs, she was the 3rd daughter and 5th out of 6 children to KK Nambiar and Janaki Meloth. Her name was eventually chosen by her older brother Viji, from a list given to him by his mother. He picked a V name just like his. In Sanskrit
the name Vimala has a number of meanings but the ones I most prefer are bright and pure.
When her mother enrolled her in primary school, her mother followed family tradition and shaved Vimala’s hair. This was a huge embarrassment for Vimala and, in collusion with her mischievous brother Viji, she insisted on dressing as a boy, and wearing her brother’s clothes and a hat for her first day of school. When her new teacher asked her name she promptly told her the boys name ‘Ramdas’. The next day her mother insisted she wear a dress and bangles and the teacher did not recognize her and she had to reintroduce herself again this time as Vimala.
Descended from strong Kerala women it was only a minor surprise to her family when she was offered a place to study medicine at Madras Medical College.
Her marriage to her wonderful husband Venugopalan Vengail Nayanar was a long and loving one. Arranged by both sets of parents, they met only on their wedding day. Vimala had refused to meet the future husband her parents had chosen for her or even look at a photo prior to their wedding day. At the Guruvayor temple where they were married on the same day as their siblings, she accidently stood next to the wrong groom, but fortunately, she married the right one.
Marriage bought many new adventures and overseas travels. The Nayanar family lived and worked as Doctors in the UK where Vin and Leela were born, in the USA where Vimala stopped traffic wearing a sari, and India where Kichu was born.
After anadventurous few years living and working in Kota Kinabalu in Borneo, they settled in Australia in 1972.
In Sydney, the Nayanars socialized with many other Indian families and had a large network of friends they would visit each Sunday. As a working mum in the 1970’s life was busy yet she still found time to make her kids clothes and even embroider them.
Vimala chose to specialize in Radiology specifically Paediatric Radiology. She was known by her colleagues as brilliant and innovative, perceptive and insightful. I heard many a tale of her intellect and ability. The benefit of this for our family has been that whenever we’ve had to attend the Children’s Hospital in Randwick, our surname gets attention with many Doctors actively seeking us out to share stories of their work experience with Vimala.
Her commanding presence, fierce intelligence and determination to always be right, stood her in good stead throughout her medical career. Medicine in the 1960’s and 70’s was largely a profession dominated by men.
When an older male, white doctor interviewed her he questioned her ability to perform a surgical procedure in a sari, she declared
unabashedly that if he could perform the same procedure in trousers she could do it in a sari. She didn’t back down and needless to say, she did not get that position.
True to her steadfast feminist convictions and resolve, she wore a sari to work in Sydney Children’s Hospital every single day.
Adventure travels throughout the world ensured there were never dull moments. Taking road-trips interstate with family and friends, camping in remote National parks where Vimala was relied upon to catch and cook fish for dinner, trekking Mount Kailash In Tibet and going on safari in Africa. Her adventurous spirit was limitless.
A seasoned philanthropist, Vimala’s altruism has seen her run a free medical clinic in Kerala when she worked as a GP in Payyanur. On arriving in Australia she volunteered at the Aboriginal Medical Service and met Fred Hollows and after retirement she volunteered her time and expertise at Lou’s Place, a refuge for women in Darlinghurst.
Her favourite role was Ammama to her much loved 7 grandchildren Nikhil, Jay, Shan, Krishnan, Sachin, Raj and finally a granddaughter Liya who w affectionately call Little Vimmy. For the sake of consistency, she has had all her grandchildren call her
Ammama and they were the light of her life. She wasalso Achamma to many other relatives in Sydney who fiercely loved and adored her.
About a year after I gave birth to Krishnan, I was with my mothers group when one of them was telling us all about the new flamenco dance class she was taking. She then told us about this amazing woman who was doing flamenco dancing who was in her 60s
and was a great dancer. She happened to mention that she was also Indian. I remember thinking to myself-at the time- I know a lot of Indian women and the only person I could imagine doing flamenco
dancing is my mother in law. I later asked what this woman’s name was and she responded Vim.
True to her steadfast feminist convictions and resolve, she wore a sari to work in Sydney Children’s Hospital every single day.
Adventure travels throughout the world ensured there were never dull moments. Taking road-trips interstate with family and friends, camping in remote National parks where Vimala was relied upon to catch and cook fish for dinner, trekking Mount Kailash In Tibet and going on safari in Africa. Her adventurous spirit was limitless.
A seasoned philanthropist, Vimala’s altruism has seen her run a free medical clinic in Kerala when she worked as a GP in Payyanur. On arriving in Australia she volunteered at the Aboriginal Medical Service and met Fred Hollows and after retirement she volunteered her time and expertise at Lou’s Place, a refuge for women in Darlinghurst.
Her favourite role was Ammama to her much loved 7 grandchildren Nikhil, Jay, Shan, Krishnan, Sachin, Raj and finally a granddaughter Liya who w affectionately call Little Vimmy. For the sake of consistency, she has had all her grandchildren call her
Ammama and they were the light of her life. She wasalso Achamma to many other relatives in Sydney who fiercely loved and adored her.
About a year after I gave birth to Krishnan, I was with my mothers group when one of them was telling us all about the new flamenco dance class she was taking. She then told us about this amazing woman who was doing flamenco dancing who was in her 60s
and was a great dancer. She happened to mention that she was also Indian. I remember thinking to myself-at the time- I know a lot of Indian women and the only person I could imagine doing flamenco
dancing is my mother in law. I later asked what this woman’s name was and she responded Vim.
It was nosurprise.
While other mothers-in-law were intrusive and judgmental with their daughters-in-law commenting on their untidy homes, mine had a fridge magnet on her fridge which said boldly “Dull people have immaculate homes” which echoed my own sentiments exactly. While other mums I associated with avoided the advice given by their mothers-in- law I sought mine out. It is what I have missed most about her in the last years that she has been sick-
asking for her down to earth, pragmatic advice. She always had a strong intuition and an unobtrusive presence about her.
Vimala had a long association with the Ramakrishna Sarada Vedanta Society of NSW and was vice president for many years. She worked voluntarily alongside Mataji, the nuns and Robert in the early days and was a proactive supporter, fundraiser and
advisor.
As the former Chairperson of The Women’s Interfaith Network known as WIN in Sydney she was able to undertake more voluntary work that she was enormously passionate about. WIN works to promote mutual understanding and acceptance amongst the followers of various world religions, to eradicate stereotypes and prejudice. Vimala, with Mataji represented the Hindu religion.
It would be remiss of me not to mention my mother-in-laws warm and inviting hospitality. She hosted friends and family who visited Sydney from around the world. Cooking meals for them, taking them to see all the famous sights around Sydney. Ensuring they
always had a friendly place to stay, plenty of Indian food and a good single malt whisky when they were in town. Her global network was phenomenal and I cannot tell you how many times in my marriage we were called to have dinner at the Coogee apartment to meet with visiting relatives.
While other mothers-in-law were intrusive and judgmental with their daughters-in-law commenting on their untidy homes, mine had a fridge magnet on her fridge which said boldly “Dull people have immaculate homes” which echoed my own sentiments exactly. While other mums I associated with avoided the advice given by their mothers-in- law I sought mine out. It is what I have missed most about her in the last years that she has been sick-
asking for her down to earth, pragmatic advice. She always had a strong intuition and an unobtrusive presence about her.
Vimala had a long association with the Ramakrishna Sarada Vedanta Society of NSW and was vice president for many years. She worked voluntarily alongside Mataji, the nuns and Robert in the early days and was a proactive supporter, fundraiser and
advisor.
As the former Chairperson of The Women’s Interfaith Network known as WIN in Sydney she was able to undertake more voluntary work that she was enormously passionate about. WIN works to promote mutual understanding and acceptance amongst the followers of various world religions, to eradicate stereotypes and prejudice. Vimala, with Mataji represented the Hindu religion.
It would be remiss of me not to mention my mother-in-laws warm and inviting hospitality. She hosted friends and family who visited Sydney from around the world. Cooking meals for them, taking them to see all the famous sights around Sydney. Ensuring they
always had a friendly place to stay, plenty of Indian food and a good single malt whisky when they were in town. Her global network was phenomenal and I cannot tell you how many times in my marriage we were called to have dinner at the Coogee apartment to meet with visiting relatives.
The apartment was always known as the Summer Palace as they were always entertaining.
The gifts that Vimala gave to the world were her generosity of spirit, her commitment to kindness and her humility.
Yet the many languages she spoke or the degrees she had, or even the career success and accolades she received was not the measure of her life. It was the relationships she built, the connections she made and the lives she positively impacted through the advice,
support and mentoring she gave.
A life well lived in her eyes was a life in service to others. Many years ago Vimala was interviewed by a young family member Varsha for a school project. She told Varsha
“I dedicate my life to.....life....which includes family, friends, relatives, children, nature....the world in general....what can I say? She said “The world is a beautiful place’
Farewell Vimala Nayanar . Your life was full of culture, art, music and travel and all who knew you felt your love.
Your exceptional wit, trailblazing ways, immense kindness and contagious laughter will be missed.
In the words of Sri Ramana Maharshi - The body dies but the spirit that transcends it cannot be touched my death.
The gifts that Vimala gave to the world were her generosity of spirit, her commitment to kindness and her humility.
Yet the many languages she spoke or the degrees she had, or even the career success and accolades she received was not the measure of her life. It was the relationships she built, the connections she made and the lives she positively impacted through the advice,
support and mentoring she gave.
A life well lived in her eyes was a life in service to others. Many years ago Vimala was interviewed by a young family member Varsha for a school project. She told Varsha
“I dedicate my life to.....life....which includes family, friends, relatives, children, nature....the world in general....what can I say? She said “The world is a beautiful place’
Farewell Vimala Nayanar . Your life was full of culture, art, music and travel and all who knew you felt your love.
Your exceptional wit, trailblazing ways, immense kindness and contagious laughter will be missed.
In the words of Sri Ramana Maharshi - The body dies but the spirit that transcends it cannot be touched my death.
